Plus ça change…

“Okay, okay, listen — big story of Grum, fire-stealer. Grum not born like others — born from thunder rock, boom! He walk out with fire in hand, not scared of sky beasts. He go up tall mountain, punch sky snake, steal fire from cloud people, bring it back for tribe. But fire make other tribes angry — start big war, many clubs, many roars. Grum say, ‘No! Fire for everyone!’ Then he vanish in smoke — poof — but now every time fire crackle, we say, ‘Grum watching.’ He big hero. Grum legend.”

“You ever hear of Meleager? Total beast. He’s gifted a magic life-thread at birth — straight-up fated stuff — and becomes this top-tier warrior. When a giant boar terrorizes the land, he joins this super-team of heroes, the Calydonian Hunt, and it’s chaos. He and Atalanta — basically the proto-speedster — are slaying monsters and flexing skill. But then? Family drama hits, and his mom burns his life-thread out of revenge. Actual tragic one-shot hero arc!”

“Forget Thor — Skadi is where it’s at. She’s this mountain-dwelling giantess who storms into Asgard armed to the teeth demanding vengeance for her father’s death. The gods try to placate her with marriage and jokes, but she’s not impressed. She picks a husband by his feet — long story — and ends up becoming this winter goddess archer who just radiates cold rage and independence. She’s got lone-wolf antihero energy all over her!”

“Dude, if you think the X-Men are wild, let me tell you about Magik. She’s Colossus’s little sister — gets pulled into a hell dimension as a kid, becomes its ruler, and comes back wielding a giant soul-sword and mutant teleportation powers. She’s part dark sorceress, part time-jumping mutant, and 100% badass. She literally trained in Limbo for years and came back like, ‘Yeah, I’m good now. Let’s fight demons.’”